Why Özil will be a hit and how he’ll fit and what he brings in the attacking front..

Why Özil will be a hit and how he'll fit and what he brings in the attacking front..

Mesut Özil is world class.


Why Arsene isn’t spending?

Why Arsene isn't spending?

The following quotes are from the movie ‘Moneyball’ between Billy, played by Brad Pitt and Peter, played by Jonah Hill. If you guys haven’t watched it, you should. Billy, is the General Manager of Oakland Athletics who just lost his star players to rich teams and is struggling to compete against those rich teams because of financial restrictions. He will remind you of Arsene Wenger in so many ways.

[as Billy is about to leave the Cleveland office he comes back to Peter for making Shapiro change his mind selling his players]
Peter Brand: Hello.
Billy Beane: Who are you?
Peter Brand: I’m Peter Brand.
Billy Beane: What do you do?
Peter Brand: I’m special assistant to Mark Shapiro.
Billy Beane: So what do you do?
Peter Brand: Mostly player analysis right now.

Billy Beane: Who are you?
Peter Brand: I’m Peter Brand.
Billy Beane: I don’t give a rats ass what you’re name is. What happened in there? What happened in that room?
Peter Brand: I’m not quite sure why you’re asking me, Mr. Beane.
Billy Beane: What did you tell, Bruce?
Peter Brand: I just told Bruce that I liked Garcia.
Billy Beane: You like Garcia. Why? Why?
[Peter doesn’t answer so Billy gets up and leaves the office with Peter following him]

Peter Brand: There is an epidemic failure within the game to understand what is really happening and this leads people who run major league baseball teams to misjudge their players and mismanage their teams. I apologize.
Billy Beane: Go on.
Peter Brand: Okay, people who run ball clubs, they think in terms of buying players. Your goal shouldn’t be to buy players. Your goal should be to buy wins and in order to buy wins, you need to buy your run. You’re trying to replace Johnny Damon. The Boston Red Sox see Johnny Damon and they see a star who’s worth seven and a half million dollars a year. When I see Johnny Damon, what I see is…is an imperfect understanding of where runs come from. The guy’s got a great glove, he’s a decent league off hitter, he can steal bases. But is he worth the seven and a half million dollars a year the Boston Red Sox are paying him? No! No! Baseball thinking is medieval, they are asking all the wrong questions and if I say it to anybody I’m…I’m ostracized. I’m a rebel, so that’s why I’m…I’m cagey about this with you, that’s why I respect you Mr. Beane and if you want full disclosure, I think it’s a good thing you got Damon off of your payroll. I think it opens up all kinds of interesting possibilities.

Billy Beane: Guys, you’re still trying to replace Giambi (Oakland’s star player who just went to Yankees) I told you we can’t do it. We can’t do it. Now what we might be able to do is recreate him. We create him in the adding field.
Grady Fuson: The what?
Billy Beane: Giambi’s on base percentage was four seventy seven. Damon’s on base, three twenty four and Almada’s was two ninety one. Add that up and you get
[he snaps his finger and points to Peter sitting across from him]
Peter Brand: Do you want me to speak?
Billy Beane: When I’m pointing at you, yeah.
Peter Brand: Ten ninety two.
Billy Beane: Divided by three.
[Billy snaps his finger again]
Peter Brand: Three sixty four.
Billy Beane: That’s what we’re looking for. Three ball players…three ball players who’s average O.B.P is…
[he snaps his finger again and points to Peter]

I believe Arsene Wenger thinks exactly like that. He does not and I mean absolutely does not want to pay 30,40,50 million pounds for 1 player because he doesn’t think anyone is worth it. (Of course there are few exceptions).

Yes, that is the market value and things have changed but he is a stubborn man. Maybe he doesn’t see players as we do like how big of a star he is, how big his name is, and how famous he is. Maybe he compares his stats with some other player who is 10 times cheaper and believes the cheaper player can give him the same results as the star player. In a way, he has a point. I mean look at our team. How much did we pay for each player? Not much. How much are they worth in today’s market? Millions and millions of pounds.

I’m not saying he is right. What i’m saying is, he’s a kind of person who desperately wants to do things his way. Suppose, we win the title after spending 100 million pounds, instead of praising Arsene and Arsenal I’m sure people will still criticize them that they were wrong all along about their youth development, core, loyalty and principles.

Maybe Arsene thinks this is a lose lose situation for him.

P.S This is all my guesswork and might all be bullshit. Also, he might give in and spend, finally. Let’s see what happens.

Follow me on Twitter @FunnyGooner

Hey Robin, Fuck you.


I was 17 years old when I experienced by first break up. It hurt like hell; I swear I could have drunk myself to death that night. Three years later, me and my Gf ended a 2 year relationship, I pretended I was cool, but again, it stung like a bitch. I promised to myself, I will never let any girl hurt my feelings again. 


Forward, July 4th, 2012. Who would have thought the next person who would break my heart would be a man? Robin Fucking Van Persie. 

Whatever needs to be said has been said. Whatever needs to be expressed has been expressed. But I still need to take this out. 

In the past decade, we have lost many of our significant players, but personally, this particular player’s inevitable exit is causing me tremendous heartache. 

Fuck Hleb, Fuck Flamini, Fuck Nasri, Fuck Adebayor. They all were talented players who once played for Arsenal. That’s it. Another category includes Viera, Henry and Cesc. Everyone knows what happened and blah blah, I don’t want to go over that shit again. 

But Van Persie, RobinVanPersie. I thought this guy was special. I thought this guy’s statue will be outside the Emirates someday. I even fucking thought he would succeed Wenger one day. 

I woke up. Somebody bitch slapped me. It was Van Persie. He said,”Fuck you and fuck your feelings pussy. I am a professional footballer. Who the fuck are you? What the fuck is Arsenal FC? I am Robin Van Persie and I am a self interested person just like you. I feel this is the time when I can cash in as much as I can and when I’m done at 32, I can live the rest of my life in Caribbean. So fuck you ordinary fan.”

I came to my senses. I was wrong. I was wrong all along. He taught me something that I ignored for a longtime. Just like anyone else, he is selfish. However, then I thought there is so much to life than being selfish prick. Where is honor? Where’s loyalty? Where’s the feeling that tells you that you have to give something back to the people who did so much for you? Forgive me if I’m being a little dramatic here but it is the truth. 
Money? More money? What are going to do with more money? Buy a nicer car? Live in a bigger mansion? 90 percent of the world’s populations have a hard time getting their ends meet and 100 grand a WEEK is not enough for you? Are you serious?  Besides, it’s not like you have no earnings after retirement. You still earn millions from endorsements, TV shows, being pundits and so on. Why the fuck would you want more?

If you Google top clubs of the world in terms of anything, money, popularity, fan base, you’ll see Arsenal in that list. There are literally millions of clubs in this world, how fucking lucky you must be to play for one of the best clubs in the world, to represent that club as a captain, who by the way, made you who are you today. How fucking lucky you must be? 

So, here is what I have to say to you Robin Van Persie, Fuck you.

Now Fuck off to another club who matches your pocket’s ambition. We’ll see how that works out for you and I’m one hundred percent sure, you WILL regret your decision. Deep down you know, you are a loser for showing your back to the people who carried you when you were down.

I’m putting this whole saga behind me now and I believe I’m a changed man now. From now on, here is what I am going to do. No emotional attachment with the players. None.  Nada. Zero. My only attachment is with the Fans, Arsene and our Red and White shirt. They are the only things that are constant an from now on, I ‘ll trust them, and them only. Let’s move Forward.

“He who is not contented with what he has, would not be contented with what he would like to have.” 
― Socrates

P.S Yes, I had a few pints when I wrote this. Come on Arsenal. 

Follow me on Twitter @FunnyGooner


The Funny Gooner's blog


Arsene Wenger out !!!

It pains me to write this but I think his time at Arsenal is over. Below are the specific reasons why.

Disloyal: How long has he been at our beloved club? 16 months? Are you kidding me? 16 months? My jeans are older than that. Let me elaborate this point: He was here for even 16 months only because, I repeat, ONLY because he never received ANY offers from anywhere, not even from Real Madrid, PSG or  the French national team. Never, no interest nada. Hahahaha and the funny thing is, he IS French.

No vision: Let’s face it. Guy wears glasses. His vision can’t be that good. Did he ever think about building a team, or a youth team through which we could have gotten players year after year? All we do is buy superstars from various teams and hope they click. Where is the…

View original post 756 more words

Arsenal, where do we stand?

Arsenal are currently 5th, on 47 points with 10 games to go. So the maximum number of points we can finish with is 77. If, against all odds, we get 77, I guarantee you, we’ll finish 3rd or higher. I looked at the last  seven season’s minimum points required to finish 4th. Lets have a look:

Teams finishing 4th: 
2011/12 – Sp*rs (69 points)
2010/11 – Arsenal (68 points)
2009/10 – Sp*rs (70 points)
2008/09 – Arsenal (72 points) 
2007/08 – Liverpool (76 points) 
2006/07 – Sp*rs (70 points) 
2005/ 06 Arsenal (67 points) 
As you can see, statistically, you need atleast 67 points to finish 4th. That means we need minimum of 20 out of those 30 points. Sadly, even then, chances of us finishing 4th is highly unlikely as there is more competition this season. 
Let’s look at our remaining fixtures:
Swansea (A)
Reading (H)
West Brom (A)
Norwich (H)
Everton (H)
Fulham (A)
United (H)
Newcastle (A)
On paper, we are the stronger side than almost all those teams. What I’m saying is, theoretically , we should be able to beat 9 out of those 10 teams. However, having lost against Norwich, Swansea, Bradford and Blackburn this season,  and having witnessed our tendency to self destruct, I have no confidence on this team to be honest.
What does this mean?
This means, if you think rationally that is, we are not qualifying for the Champions League this season. I am not being able to let this thought sink in to me yet and I know most of you can’t either but we might just have to. 
Of course I hope I’m wrong. Of course I hope the Spuds and Chelsea fall apart. But this time, it’s not just them bottling it, it’s about us taking our chances too which we are not. I’m just trying to point the reality of the situation and the most likely outcome of that situation and trying you make you ready so that it won’t hurt as much later.
On the positive, I quote Harvey Dent,’The night is darkest before the dawn…’ . 
Is this the final push that the board and  Wenger needs? Is this the wake up call? Is this the kick on the butt? Is this is not, then I don’t know what is. 
Failure is not falling but refusing to get up. I hope we learnt our lesson. I hope we get back stronger than ever. 
And oh yeah, ‘Arsenal is the only English team who is still in the Champions League.
Up the Arsenal.

How to beat Bayern Munich?


As we know, we have a very tough match next week against German giants Bayern Munich.  I know most of you think we have no or very little chance, especially because of our lack of signings and injuries. But don’t worry; I have come up with some tactics, strategies, plans whatever you want to call it. If Arsenal applies them, I assure you, we will beat them.

  1. Make Podoslki and Mertesacker shout ‘PASS’ in German during the game constantly so that Bayern players gets confused and passes the ball to us.
  2. Try and convince our players that Ribery is infact a human being.
  3. Whenever Robben gets the ball, immediately send 10 players after him, surround him. He has a disease call ‘Pancer’. People who suffer from Pancer are unable to pass so we should take advantage of that.
  4. Pray
  5. Make sure we don’t goto penalties. We only have two Germans starters in our side. They have many.
  6. Don’t play Santos.

On a serious note, Bayern has knocked us out twice before in the Champions League. (Once in 2000/01 and later in 2004/05). You could say that the Arsenal team then was a lot better than the Arsenal team now but we still lost then. I’ll be honest with you. Our chances are very slim, slimmer than Christian Bale on ‘The Machinist’ but this is football and anything can happen. We might not be able to beat them but I sure hope that we give them one hell of a fight. Come on Arsenal.

Follow me on Twitter @FunnyGooner

Drought? The fuck you talking bout?


ImageOf course I’d like to see those glory days again..


“Who earns the most at Arsenal?

The janitor who cleans the Arsenal’s trophy room because he has some serious dirt to take care of”

 We’ve all heard the joke. Or maybe you haven’t, because I just made that up. Anywho,

Before you read this article, you should know that I love and respect Arsene Wenger very super much, I really do. But that does not mean I’m a blind supporter of his. Some of his decisions make me bite my finger until my teeth can feel my bones, sometimes he makes me pull my hair off my head so much so that I wear a wig nowadays when Arsenal play . Sometimes I don’t agree with his starting XI or his tactics whereas sometimes I look out the window of until the cigarette burns my hand pondering about why he brought Silvestre in the first place..  

Of course I feel things should have been different in the past few years but I’ll save that for some rainy day. The point of this article is to NOT to point what could and should have been done but to make you take a step back and realize ‘Hey, This is not too bad.’

When Nick Hornby was asked in 2009 this question, “Arsenal hasn’t won a trophy for almost 5 years now, does that bother you?.” He instantly replied, “Not at all.”

Why wasn’t a lifelong fan like Nick Hornby bothered by the fact that Arsenal had not won a single trophy for almost five years? Well, I think that is because he does not take success for granted. Yes my friends and ladies or whatever the phrase is, let me remind you a bitter truth: You are an Arsenal fan and you are NOT entitled to trophies and success every decade, much less every year.

Now before Arsene arrived at Arsenal (‘Arsene Arsenal’ meant to be ) , Arsenal was 110 years old. Prior to Arsene’s arrival, Arsenal had won 10 league titles.That’s ONE league title every 11 years!!!Compare that to Arsene’s record. He has won three league titles in 16 years. That’s one title every five years. Not bad eh?

You think eight years without a trophy is bad? Would you like to be a 51 year old Spurs fan who in his lifetime has seen only ONE league title ? I didn’t think so. When Abramovic bought Cheslea in 2003 and promptly invested almost 100 million pounds,  then only Chelsea won their first league title after 50 years. Yes, you read that right, 50 long, dreadful years.

When Aguero scored that massive goal in ‘Fergie time’ last year, he handed City the league title after 44 years. Forty fucking four long years.

When Man United won the title in 93 and started to dominate English football, it was their first league title in 27 years.

Liverpool had a 24 year drought between their title in 1923 and 1947, that’s 24 years. They had to wait 17 years more to win the next one in 1964. Last time they won the title, it was 1990, TWENTY TWO years ago.

Everton last won the title in 1987, 25 years ago.

When Aston Villa (Yes the Villa who is being butchered by everyone right now) won the title in 1941, it was their first title in 71 years. Yes, 71, super long older than my grandma years.

Most of you may not be aware of this but Dalglish (yes the same King Kenny who bought a Donkey for 35 million pounds), has won a league title as a manager. Not with Liverpool though, but with Blackburn in 1995.

Last time Blackburn won the title? I’m guessing you were not born then. It was in 1914, 81 years ago.

Look, Arsenal is 126 years old. When you live that long, some bad patches are inevitable. Can you live for over 100 years and not have any health problems? I’m 25 and my doctor recently told me that I have to stop eating pizza topped with extra cheese, bacon and mushrooms because my cholesterol is a bit high. Fuck that, I love my pizza with extra cheese, bacon and mushrooms. Point is, times change, situations change, nothing lasts forever and we both know hearts can change.. I mean nothings lasts forever (Big Guns n Roses fan here sorry).

A bad patch like this is obvious and hard to avoid when you think that Arsenal has made a major change (from Highbury to the Emirates) recently and sugar daddies like Sheikh and Roman has injected a trillion dollars in football. Even after that Arsene has carried us to the top level and provided us with some unforgettable memories. Sometimes, we should take a step back and count our blessings, not curses.

Follow me on Twitter @FunnyGooner